Motivation and will power are my biggest struggles when it comes to bingeouts. "Just this once" or "I deserve it. I had a bad day" often come to my mind before a binge. I need to remember why I want to stop binging! The negative consequences of binging don't really come to mind when I am in the middle of a bingeathon. So, here are my reasons I have come up with so far that I will plaster all over my fridge:
1. Diabetes
2. Heart Disease
3. Weird body hair growing in awkward places
4. Wicked and irregular periods
5. Ugly clothes with large flower prints, gold glittery stripes and polka dots
6. Loss of confidence
7. Achy breaky back and knees
8. Extra sweaty when its hot
9. Fear of being handed a seat belt extender on an airplane
10. Worry about my fat hanging over a chair and people noticing
11. Tired all the time
12. $$$ down the toilet (literally). Binging can be expensive.
13. Cancer
14. Afraid of trying physical activities (kayaking, biking, etc)
15. Feeling embarrassed
I will add more when I think of em!
Monday, March 21, 2011
And so it begins...
Today is my first non-bingy day! I have started many a day like this one. I wake up with every intention to be good to my body. "Eat healthy! Exercise! Fill your body with only the fuel it needs!" Unfortunately, as the day goes on, my will power and motivation fades and the binging begins. I will usually maintain fairly normal eating habits until, dun dun dun, THE NIGHT TIME! I don't know if it's the darkness that hides my shame or if I'm simply bored, but once the sun goes down, Amy eats! And eats. And eats.
If I have to work (like today) I will rarely binge in the morning. Usually, a binge lands me in a couch coma with a stomach ache. This won't fly at my job so mornings before work are spent trying to rid myself of the previous night's binge. I drink about 8 cups of coffee and eat a bowl of high fiber cereal in order to move things along so I can bend over again. Right now I'm working on cup of coffee number 2 and have already dropped one dookie. And when I say, "drop a dookie," I mean "one killer dino pile." There will be lots of it all morning. Sick sad truth of the midnight binge.
So anyways, I'm hoping today is a good day! I am going to the grocery store after work. Sometimes this can trigger a binge when I get home if I buy delicious treats. Today I will be making a list in hope of avoiding the fruit snacks and strawberry shortcake ice cream bars.
If I have to work (like today) I will rarely binge in the morning. Usually, a binge lands me in a couch coma with a stomach ache. This won't fly at my job so mornings before work are spent trying to rid myself of the previous night's binge. I drink about 8 cups of coffee and eat a bowl of high fiber cereal in order to move things along so I can bend over again. Right now I'm working on cup of coffee number 2 and have already dropped one dookie. And when I say, "drop a dookie," I mean "one killer dino pile." There will be lots of it all morning. Sick sad truth of the midnight binge.
So anyways, I'm hoping today is a good day! I am going to the grocery store after work. Sometimes this can trigger a binge when I get home if I buy delicious treats. Today I will be making a list in hope of avoiding the fruit snacks and strawberry shortcake ice cream bars.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Binge
Hello. My name is Amy and I'm a binge eater. Whew. I have been in denial for years. I honestly had no idea that my indulgent foodathons were binge eating episodes. I thought I just loved food and was taking advantage of one of life's awesome pleasures. It was worth being a little bigger.
I have always been a fat kid so being overweight did not seem like a huge deal to me. I was confident and comfortable in my body. I was fat, but not so fat that I was limited from doing what I wanted to do. I was able to play with all the other kids and fit in an airplane seat (barely). Unfortunately, as I age, the effects of binge eating have taken their toll. Around age 25 I began to put on more weight. I felt sluggish and became less active. Now, at age 27, I am 5'8'' and 260 pounds. I feel like shit and am not able to enjoy the things I once did. My body is in revolt. Or surrender. I'm not sure. I am dreading my next travel adventure as I fear the airplane steward will have to publicly hand me a seat belt extender.
The problem has gotten completely out of control and I am binging almost every day. I am stuffed into my clothes like a sausage and, for the first time in my 27 years of life, I feel self conscious and uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't want to be one of the headless bodies featured on the local news during a report about obesity. I want to be able to shop at Target without riding in one of those motorized carts that beep when you back up.
It is time to stop self destructing and time to start living a healthy life. Slowly but surely I am hoping to create habits that become my lifestyle. I am glad I finally realized and admitted to myself that I am binge eating. Honesty about my binging is going to be hard. Hopefully, through an anonymous blog I will be able to keep it real and keep myself accountable for my behaviors. So, to begin my healthy quest, below is an honest list of what I ate today, beginning at about 11am.
Rice with cream of mushroom soup and green beans (a comfort food favorite)
5 french toast sticks with syrup
More rice with cream of mushroom soup and green beans
Mcdonald's angus burger with fries and large coke
Banana with peanut butter
2 pieces of toast with butter and jelly
Chips and cheese
5 more french toast sticks with syrup
Ramen noodles
It's almost midnight. Hopefully the food portion of the day is over. As usual, I will go to bed tonight with a stomach ache and toss and turn trying to stay comfortable.
Obviously, things need to change.
I have always been a fat kid so being overweight did not seem like a huge deal to me. I was confident and comfortable in my body. I was fat, but not so fat that I was limited from doing what I wanted to do. I was able to play with all the other kids and fit in an airplane seat (barely). Unfortunately, as I age, the effects of binge eating have taken their toll. Around age 25 I began to put on more weight. I felt sluggish and became less active. Now, at age 27, I am 5'8'' and 260 pounds. I feel like shit and am not able to enjoy the things I once did. My body is in revolt. Or surrender. I'm not sure. I am dreading my next travel adventure as I fear the airplane steward will have to publicly hand me a seat belt extender.
The problem has gotten completely out of control and I am binging almost every day. I am stuffed into my clothes like a sausage and, for the first time in my 27 years of life, I feel self conscious and uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't want to be one of the headless bodies featured on the local news during a report about obesity. I want to be able to shop at Target without riding in one of those motorized carts that beep when you back up.
It is time to stop self destructing and time to start living a healthy life. Slowly but surely I am hoping to create habits that become my lifestyle. I am glad I finally realized and admitted to myself that I am binge eating. Honesty about my binging is going to be hard. Hopefully, through an anonymous blog I will be able to keep it real and keep myself accountable for my behaviors. So, to begin my healthy quest, below is an honest list of what I ate today, beginning at about 11am.
Rice with cream of mushroom soup and green beans (a comfort food favorite)
5 french toast sticks with syrup
More rice with cream of mushroom soup and green beans
Mcdonald's angus burger with fries and large coke
Banana with peanut butter
2 pieces of toast with butter and jelly
Chips and cheese
5 more french toast sticks with syrup
Ramen noodles
It's almost midnight. Hopefully the food portion of the day is over. As usual, I will go to bed tonight with a stomach ache and toss and turn trying to stay comfortable.
Obviously, things need to change.
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