Binge

Hello.  My name is Amy and I'm a binge eater.  Whew.  I have been in denial for years.  I honestly had no idea that my indulgent foodathons were binge eating episodes.  I thought I just loved food and was taking advantage of one of life's awesome pleasures.  It was worth being a little bigger.

I have always been a fat kid so being overweight did not seem like a huge deal to me.   I was confident and comfortable in my body.  I was fat, but not so fat that I was limited from doing what I wanted to do.  I was able to play with all the other kids and fit in an airplane seat (barely).  Unfortunately, as I age, the effects of binge eating have taken their toll.  Around age 25 I began to put on more weight.  I felt sluggish and became less active.  Now, at age 27, I am 5'8'' and 260 pounds.  I feel like shit and am not able to enjoy the things I once did.  My body is in revolt.  Or surrender.  I'm not sure.  I am dreading my next travel adventure as I fear the airplane steward will have to publicly hand me a seat belt extender. 

The problem has gotten completely out of control and I am binging almost every day.  I am stuffed into my clothes like a sausage and, for the first time in my 27 years of life, I feel self conscious and uncomfortable in my own skin.  I don't want to be one of the headless bodies featured on the local news during a report about obesity.  I want to be able to shop at Target without riding in one of those motorized carts that beep when you back up. 

It is time to stop self destructing and time to start living a healthy life.  Slowly but surely I am hoping to create habits that become my lifestyle.  I am glad I finally realized and admitted to myself that I am binge eating.  Honesty about my binging is going to be hard.   Hopefully, through an anonymous blog I will be able to keep it real and keep myself accountable for my behaviors.  So, to begin my healthy quest, below is an honest list of what I ate today, beginning at about 11am.

Rice with cream of mushroom soup and green beans (a comfort food favorite)
5 french toast sticks with syrup
More rice with cream of mushroom soup and green beans
Mcdonald's angus burger with fries and large coke
Banana with peanut butter
2 pieces of toast with butter and jelly
Chips and cheese
5 more french toast sticks with syrup
Ramen noodles

It's almost midnight.  Hopefully the food portion of the day is over.  As usual, I will go to bed tonight with a stomach ache and toss and turn trying to stay comfortable.    

Obviously, things need to change.